We spend millions of dollars in the industry of “self-education,” and “confidence.” We spend so many days thinking “This is it! I got it” – well in reality, we’re thinking… “this must be it. Because if it isn’t then… well, I’m off-track.”

What’s fascinating though, is the amount of energy that you put into reading someone else’s behavior. When we visualize a situation, we think on a parallel track: what we can see and what lays underneath, inside. Although bitter, we grow to learn to adapt to what our eyes see. But the spark? That friction which unleashes a fire? That is always a surprise. Sometimes unpleasantly so, but more often than not – a brilliant slap in the face.


The I-told-you-so doesn’t work because what you discovered is far more captivating. You just discovered that you were wrong, that what you thought was a fact is actually not, and that your assumptions were off, all along. So what do you do?

Sure, despair is possible, but the real ride is SHIELD or in pure English terminology: carelessness, strength, confidence and poise. You learn to distance yourself from that reality and invest farther in what matters. So you see… being illuminated – although connected negatively to finding out a unkind reality – is not bad. The irony rests on the fact that it’s by discovering the inside of the other that you start discovering your own. Suddenly, you no longer care, you’re strong and that voice within you becomes a marching band on which you rely to slowly but surely dance your way around and build a surrounding that is fit to you. The rest? Oh just let go, you don’t need it. And guess what? You’ll be great, actually, even better.

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